Wonderful Offer

A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the course."

There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance."

One final student rose up and opted out of the final. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said. "You all get 'A's."

Take It Easy

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to
see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he
saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was
addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and
read the letter with trembling hands:-
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm
leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I
wanted to
avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with
Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him
too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But
it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he
wants
me to have the kid and
that we can be very happy together. Even though
Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is
it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way
of our relationship, don't you agree?
Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods
and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has
other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own
way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of
my
dreams too.
Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be
growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the
cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science
will
find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now
and I know how to take care of
myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know
your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter,
Rosie.
At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still
trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house.

Kids Are Quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.


TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.




TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.




TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
 




TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!





 



TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'



TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.


TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.



TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.


TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

Bunk School

Grandpa To Grandkid:  Go hide, your teacher is here because you bunked school today!

Grandkid: First You go hide... I told her  YOU PASSED AWAY!!!