Future

A Pakistani Ambassador to the UN just finished giving a speech and walks out into the lobby where he met President Obama.

They shook hands and walked together in the long verandah when suddenly the Pakistani said, 'You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America.'

President Obama says 'Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help you, I will do.'

The Pakistani whispers, 'My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there are Russians, and Blacks, Chinese, Japanese and even Indians but never any Pakistani, Afghani or Arabs. So my son is very upset. He doesn't understand nor do I about why there aren't any Arabs, Pakistanis, an Afghanis in the Star Trek show.'

President Obama laughs and leans toward the Pakistani, and whispers in his ear, 'Because... the show is all about the future.'

Priest & Lawyer

A couple were driving to a church to get married. On the way, they got into a car accident and died. When they arrive in heaven, they see St. Peter at the gate. They ask him if he could arrange it so they could marry in heaven. St. Peter tells them that he'll do his best to work on it for them.

Three months pass by and the couple hear nothing. They bump into St. Peter and ask him about the marriage.

He says, "I'm still working on it."

Two years pass by and no marriage.

St. Peter again assures them that he's working on it.

Finally after twenty long years, St. Peter comes running with a priest and tells the couple it's time for their wedding.

The couple marry and live happily for a while. But after a few months the couple go and find St. Peter and tell him things are not working out, and that they want to get a divorce.

"Can you arrange it for us?" they ask.

St. Peter replies, "Are you kidding?! It took me twenty years to find a priest up here. How am I gonna find you a lawyer?"

Keep the Duck

A big city London lawyer went duck hunting in rural Scotland. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked the lawyer what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and your not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer replied. "I'm one of the best trial lawyers in the UK, and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything that you own.

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Scotland. We settle small disagreements like this, with the Scottish Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Scottish Three Kick Rule?"

The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly gets down from the tractor and walked up to the city fella. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin, which dropped him to his knees.

His second kick nearly ripped the nose off his face.

The lawyer was flat on his belly, when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly causing him to give up, but didn't.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old tosser, now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said,

"Naw, I give up, You can keep the duck!"

Titanic

Three men, a doctor, an accountant and a lawyer are dead and they appear in front of St Peter. St Peter tells them that they have to answer one question in order to get to Heaven. He looks at the doctor and asks, "There was a movie that was made about a ship that sank after hitting an iceberg, what was its name?" The doctor answers, "The Titanic" and he is sent through. He then looks at the accountant and say, "How many people died in that ship?" Fortunately the doctor had just watched the movie and he answers, "1 500!". St Peter sends him through and then finally turns to the lawyer and commands, in a very heavy voice, "Name them!"

Engineers vs Lawyers

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is admitted. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and, as is the wont for engineers, starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks, "So how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flushing toilets and working escalators, and there's no telling what an engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

ROLEX

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed. "Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked. "HA! Your lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!"

No Donations

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $700,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

Shoot

A woman woke up one morning to find a ferocious-looking gorilla in a tree on her African plantation. She quickly phoned the local game warden, who arrived minutes later. In one hand he held a shotgun, and in the other the leash of a fierce Doberman pinscher. As they walked to the tree, the warden explained, "What's going to happen is that I go up the tree, throw the gorilla out, and the dog clamps his teeth on the gorilla's balls." The woman nodded and was surprised when he handed her the gun. "You know how to use this?" he asked. "I do," she said, "but what's it for?" The warden replied, "Well ..... sometimes the gorillas are pretty tough and throw me out of the tree. If that happens, I want you to do one thing." "Shoot the gorilla?" "No," he answered, "the dog."

Forgot wife's name

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization, association - it's made a big difference for me."

"That's great! What was the name of that clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

SInging

My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it. "Oh, we returned the piano." said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet instead."

"How come?" I asked. "Because," he answered, "with a clarinet, she can't sing."

Old vs Young

An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back forty, had it fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was fixed for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond, I only came to feed my alligators."

Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill every time!

Get Out

"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

Again

3 guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is accelerating out of control.

So, the driver pumps the emergency brake, downshifts the gears, and rubs the wheels' rims against the curb. He finally wrestles the car to a stop. The three climb out and assess the situation.

Hardware tech: "Let's try and fix it. I'll crawl under the car and take a look. "

Systems analyst: "No. I think we should get someone qualified to fix it, a specialist in brakes."

Programmer: "Why don't we just get back in and see if it happens again?"

Sweet Confidance

A business executive was deep in debt and could see no way out.

Creditors were closing in on him. Suppliers were demanding payment. He sat on the park bench, head in hands, wondering if anything could save his company from bankruptcy.

Suddenly an old man appeared before him. "I can see that something is troubling you," he said. After listening to the executive's woes, the old man said, "I believe I can help you."

He asked the man his name, wrote out a check, and pushed it into his hand saying, "Take this money. Meet me here exactly one year from today, and you can pay me back at that time."

Then he turned and disappeared as quickly as he had come.

The business executive saw in his hand a check for $500,000, signed by John D. Rockefeller, then one of the richest men in the world!

"I can erase my money worries in an instant!" he realized. But instead, the executive decided to put the uncashed check in his safe. Just knowing it was there might give him the strength to work out a way to save his business, he thought.

With renewed optimism, he negotiated better deals and extended terms of payment. He closed several big sales. Within a few months, he was out of debt and making money once again.

Exactly one year later, he returned to the park with the uncashed check. At the agreed-upon time, the old man appeared. But just as the executive was about to hand back the check and share his success story, a nurse came running up and grabbed the old man.

"I'm so glad I caught him!" she cried. "I hope he hasn't been bothering you. He's always escaping from the rest home and telling people he's John D. Rockefeller."

And she led the old man away by the arm. The astonished executive just stood there, stunned.
All year long he'd been wheeling and dealing, buying and selling, convinced he had half a million dollars behind him.

Suddenly, he realized that it wasn't the money, real or imagined, that had turned his life around. It was his newfound self-confidence that gave him the power to achieve anything he went after.

Sharing Bed

Two drunks, Santa and Banta, enter a hotel late at night. They approach the clerk, and Santa says, "Could you pleash give ush a bed with two rooms?"

"You mean a room with two beds?" asks the clerk.

"Whatever, whatever you shay."

So they get a key and somehow manage to stumble upstairs to their room. After fumbling for ten minutes, they even manage to get their door open. As they stumble inside, the door closes behind them and they are in total darkness. They go forward slowly, and both fall on the bed closest to the door.

"Ahh," says Santa, "Now we can get some sleep at last."

As they try to rearrange themselves, they suddenly realize that they are not alone in their bed.

"Hey! There's somebody in my bed!" says Banta.

"There's somebody in my bed too!" says Santa.

"Let's get rid of them. We paid for this room and we're going to sleep in the beds!" says Banta.

They start a tremendous struggle. They heave and push until eventually Santa throws Banta on the floor.

"ALL RIGHT!!" Santa shouts, "I've thrown mine off the bed."

"You're lucky," says Banta, "I got thrown off and I'm too tired to fight any more."

"Well, never mind," says Santa, "Why don't you just come and share my bed. Let's get some sleep round here."

Lawyer & Doctor

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer

Indan Business Mentality

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House
in Washington D.C. One from Bangladesh , another from India and the
third, from China.

They go with a White House office to examine the fence.

The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some
measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I
figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my
team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then
says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my
team and $100 profit for me)".

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the
White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, outraged says, "You didn't even measure like the other
guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and
we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

Dead body from US

A family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ba) arrived from the US . It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters: Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha, I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT . Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed. You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you. On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan. Just distribute the rest among yourselves. The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist. Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her. The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews. Please distribute all these fairly. PS : If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days

Being Poor

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.


They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, 'How was the
trip?'

'It was great, Dad.'

'Did you see how poor people live?' the father asked.

'Oh yeah,' said the son.
'So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?' asked the father

The son answered:

'I saw that we have one dog and they had four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.

We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.

Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.'

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, 'Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.'

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?

Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!!!

Numbers

Jokesss

Dangerous Food

A Doctor at a health conference said “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be destructive, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?” After several seconds of silence, a 70-year-old man sitting in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding Cake".

Mistakes

This is a story about a famous research scientist who had made several very important medical breakthroughs. He was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who asked him why he thought he was able to be so much more creative than the average person. What set him so far apart from others ?

He responded that, in his opinion, it all came from an experience with his mother that occurred when he was about two years old. He had been trying to remove a bottle of milk from the refrigerator when he lost his grip on the slippery bottle and it fell, spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor — a veritable sea of milk !

When his mother came into the kitchen, instead of yelling at him, giving him a lecture, or punishing him, she said, “Robert, I have rarely seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage has already been done. Would you like to get down and play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean it up ?” Indeed, he did. After a few minutes, his mother said, “You know, Robert, whenever you make a mess like this, eventually you have to clean it up and restore everything to its proper order. So, how would you like to do that ? We could use a sponge, a towel, or a mop. Which do you prefer ?” He chose the sponge and together they cleaned up the spilled milk.

His mother then said, “You know, what we have here is a failed experiment in how to effectively carry a big milk bottle with two tiny hands. Let’s go out in the back yard and fill the bottle with water and see if you can discover a way to carry it without dropping it.” The little boy learned that if he grasped the bottle at the top near the lip with both hands, he could carry it without dropping it.

What a wonderful lesson ! This renowned scientist then remarked that it was at that moment that he knew he didn’t need to be afraid to make mistakes. Instead, he learned that mistakes were just opportunities for learning something new, which is, after all, what scientific experiments are all about.

Even if the experiment “doesn’t work,” we usually learn something valuable from it. Make mistakes, you learn from them . . . . but never repeat mistakes.

Not For Sale!!!

An art collector is walking through a big pet store where he notices a dirty bad looking cat licking greedily the milk from a dish in the doorway of a store. He takes a very close look at the scene and he notices that the dish is extremely old and very valuable. He walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.

The store owner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."

The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat.

And the owner says "Sold," and passes over the cat to the collector.

"Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old dish. This cat is used to it and it will save me having to get another dish."

And the owner says, "Sorry my friend, but that's my lucky dish. So far this week I've sold seventy cheap cats for very high price."

Miracles

A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet.

She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes.

Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.

She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention, but he was too busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!

"And what do you want?" the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages," he said without waiting for a reply to his question.

"Well, I want to talk to you about my brother," Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. "He's really, really sick..and I want to buy a miracle."

"I beg your pardon?" said the pharmacist.

"His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?"

"We don't sell miracles here, little girl. I'm sorry but I can't help you," the pharmacist said, softening a little

"Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs."

The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, "What kind of a miracle does your brother need?"

" I don't know," Tess replied with her eyes welling up. I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money."

"How much do you have?" asked the man from Chicago .

"One dollar and eleven cents," Tess answered barely audibly.

"And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to."

"Well, what a coincidence, " smiled the man. "A dollar and eleven cents---the exact price of a miracle for little brothers. "

He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said "Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the miracle you need."

That well dressed man was Dr Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well.

Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.

"That surgery," her Mom whispered. "was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?"

Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost...one dollar and eleven cents....plus the faith of a little child.

Thank You

An old woman had 3 daughters. One day she decided to test her three Sons-in-law.

One a fine day, she was walking along a lake shore with the first son-in-law. Purposefully, she fell down in the lake and started yelling for help.

The first son-in-law jumped into the water and dragged her out into the shore. The next day he found a brand new E Class Mercedes in his door steps with the wordings "Thank you! Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!"

Another day she went out with her second son-in-law. Purposefully, she fell down in the lake and started yelling for help.

The second son-in-law too jumped into the water and dragged her out into the shore. The next day he found a brand new E Class Mercedes in his door steps with the wordings "Thank you! Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!"

The third time she was walking with the third son-in-law and she repeated the same. But that guy got scared and ran away without offering any help to her. The poor old lady who wanted to test her sons-in-law drowned and died.

The next day the third son-in-law was suprised to see a new brand new Rolls-Royce waiting at his doorsteps with the following wordings
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!

"Thank you very much! Your Father-in-law! !"

Corporate world

Corporate World

Any coincidence in corporate world is purely coincidental?

Dont stay late in office

Hi Parul,
I see you every night sitting in the office till very late. Don't you have friends? Don't you feel like talking to your roommate?
You should not sit very late in the office. this is a genuine advice from me.
Thanks,
Rahul Mehra

After reading the mail, Parul was very angry on the sender. She simply deleted the mail and said to herself "who is he to give me any advice?". She
again got back
to her work.
After that night, every night Rahul would keep sending her mails and Parul would simply delete them without even reading the content of the mail. But
one fine
night the subject line attracted her and she had to open the mail. The subject line of the mail was "Hi Gorgeous"
Hi Gorgeous,
Yes today you are looking very gorgeous in this red saree. I know you don't read my mails as you don't like the advices I give you.
So today I wont give you any advice, I will just say that I am love with you. You know you are very beautiful and if you take care of yourself many men
will fall in
love with you.
I am sure someday you will also fall in love with me. And then we will go out for a date.
Oh before I end the mail I must tell you that the best thing about is that smile. Or is it those intense which needs some sleep at the moment.
Take care dear.
Love you.
Rahul Mehra.

After reading the mail she was shocked. A person she had never met, never seen, never spoke to was saying that he was in love with her. She started
thinking was
this always in his mind. How did he get her id? Where had he seen her? Many questions like this came in her mind. Finally she thought of giving a
warning and
replied to his mail.
Hi Rahul,
I don't want to spoil your career but if you don't stop sending me mails I will raise an ASHI against you.
Thanks and Regards,
Parul Jain

After this mail, the mails from Rahul stopped coming in Parul's inbox. She thought that finally Rahul has got scared and wont be mailing her again. After
several
nights, Parul was resting on her chair and her eyes closed. When she opened her eyes she saw Rahul's mail in her mailbox.
Hi Gorgeous,
With your closed eyes you were dreaming about me, right? Oh sorry for not sending any mails in the last few days.
I was a little busy. I am sure you would have missed me a lot.
One more thing before I forget I want to say that I am not scared of ASHI. An ASHI cant be a reason to stop loving you.
Love you.
Rahul Mehra

Parul was twisting her hair and putting them behind her ears. At that moment itself another mail came from Rahul,
Now stop playing with your hair and leave the office. it is very late.
Love.
Rahul Mehra

Parul was shocked as to how did this person know what she was doing on her desk. She got up to check whether anyone was there in her floor but
could find
only empty cubicles. She thought maybe he made a wild guess and decided to leave the office. before leaving she saw another mail from Rahul.
Hi Parul,
Searching for me??? You have started falling in love with me. J
Love you.
Rahul Mehra

Parul was shocked and scared to hell. She simply switched off her machine and ran outside the office. in the next few days she would not open any
mails sent by
Rahul. One night a mail with subject line "Don't be scared of me" came to her mailbox. First she thought to ignore the mail then she thought lets see
what has
Rahul written this time.
Hi Parul,
Don't be scared of me. I can say that you are scared of me because of the way you ran out from the office the last time you read my mail.
I know few minutes back you had gone to have coffee. You are thinking how I know this because I can feel you around me.
Only once you also start feeling me you will know that I am near to you. Very near. Just sitting next to you.
I will wait for the night when you start having the same feelings for me.
Will always love you.
Rahul Mehra

Now Parul started thinking was Rahul really in love with her? What he was saying was it true? But how could he know so much about her? How could he
say
what she was doing and what not? Parul thought lets give a try and see whether Rahul is always in love with her or not. From that night she also started
replying
to his mail.
Hi Parul,
Do you feel bad if I call you gorgeous?
Love you.
Rahul Mehra

Parul's reply:
Yes Rahul. I don't like this word.
You can address me as Parul, isn't it short and simple. and I love my name a lot.
Thanks and Regards,
Parul Jain

Rahul's reply:
Point noted Parul. But when I am happy, excited I would call you with some special name at that time.
Tomorrow you have your certification so all the best for that.
Love you.
Rahul Mehra

Parul was again shocked as to how does he know about her certification. She had never told him. She replied
Rahul,
Who is the person who is giving you details about me? I had not told you about my certification how do you know it?
Thanks and regards,
Parul Jain
Rahul replied back to her
I know it because I in front of you. Cant you see me? Cant you feel me close to you?
I also know that after 3 days you have your appraisal. Now this you have not told anyone. Just your PM knows about it.
Do you think your PM will give me all these details?
Love you.
Rahul Mehra
Parul not sure of the answer. She knew her PM would not have told Rahul all this but how did Rahul know so much about her was a mystery for her.
Finally she
thought she will talk to her PM, Rohan.
Next day, she went to her PM's desk. "Hi Rohan. I wanted to ask you something".
Rohan:- "Sure Parul. Are having any issues?"
Parul:- "No. actually I wanted to know about a person named Rahul Mehra."
Rohan was shocked on hearing that name. PM:- "How did you come across this name. has anyone told you about him?"
Parul:- "No one has said anything to me about him. Few days back he started sending me e-mails. First I ignored but then he would give such details
which I did
just few minutes back. He even knows my appraisal date."
Rohan:- "Are you sure you got mails from Rahul Mehra only?"
Parul:- "Yes very much. But why do you looked shock?"
Rohan:- "Because Rahul Mehra died 2 years back. He use to sit at the same place where you are sitting. How can a dead person send mails to you."
Parul was shocked. She didn't know how to react to this.
Rohan:- "If you don't believe me then you can try finding his name in the telephone directory. Maybe someone told you about him and because of work
stress you
started imagining that he is sending you mails."
Parul:- "I am not imagining anything. He has really send me a mail. I can show you in my mailbox."
Rohan:- "Okay Parul I believe you but still I think you should take a break and go home."
Parul was still in shock with the news she got from Rohan. She just did a search on telephone directory for a name with Rahul Mehra and page returned
no
records. She again checked the mail id and employee number details. She did a search many times that day by putting various combinations but the
search page
displayed the same message "No matches found for the given search criteria". She could not believe that someone could hack the system and send
mails to her
from an non-existing id. She attached the mails sent by Rahul and sent it to Rohan as a proof that she was not dreaming.
On seeing the attached mails even Rohan was in shock. He came to Parul's desk. Rohan:- "I think by mistake his id has not been deleted and
someone who knows
about it is playing with it."
Parul:- "But I checked the details on telephone directory there are no records available for this id."
Rohan:- "Talk to the CCD people and see what they have to say."
She called up the CCD people. They took control over her system and looked at the mail sent by Rahul Mehra. The mail was sent from the from the
same computer
which Parul was using. The time stamp at which the mails were sent Parul had logged in. Also there was no evidence that a remote desktop
connection was made
or mail was sent through web mail. Even the CCD people were clueless as to how a mail has been sent from a non-existing id and from Parul's system
itself.
There were no viruses or torjans or any other kind of threats on Parul's system. Her anti-virus was upto date. The whole day was gone in finding a
loophole as to
how did Parul get such a mail in her mailbox. Parul was tierd from the day's happening and so she decided to leave early from the office that day.
The next day when Parul came back, she saw a mail from Rahul Mehra. She didn't know whether she should delete that mail or read that mail. She
was scared to
open the mail. Somehow she gained some courage and opened the mail. The context of the mail was:-
Hi Parul,
Good to see that you left the office early tonight. I know Rohan told you about my death.
I was also a workaholic like you. I would sit late in the office, even when no one was around me.
I just being at office. I had no friends, no social life. Even on weekends I would use to come to office.
I missed all the fun in my life. Even my death happened at office while I was working.
My dead body was found by the house keeping guy and the security guard at the reception.
I took a lot of work stress which my conscious mind could not bear that day. I ignored all the health problems I was having.
And finally on that night (20. 10. 07, 11:24 PM) all these reasons became responsible for my death.
Now you know why I am not scared of ASHI.
But yes if I was alive then also I wont be scared of ASHI because I have really fallen in love with you but we cant be together until your death.
Now the choice is yours whether you will kill yourself on your own or whether I need to do the honors.
Waiting for your death. Love you always.
Rahul Mehra

Some love stories have ghost in it.
Cheers!

Engineers

7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai. So both groups gather at Pune Station.

Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority .

SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI):
------------ --------- --------- -------- ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- - -
7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..
Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......
When TC arrives, All 7 Engineers get in one toilet so when TC knocks, one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes Away.....

NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct Train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE


SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA):
------------ --------- --------- ---- ------------ --------- --------- ------------ - -----------
Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equal"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..

TC arrives....

ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE.

One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in Engg. Bathroo! m... TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they areheavily fined.


SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA): !
------------ --------- --------- --------- --
SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the local to Pune.

This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick.

ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time...
SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets ............ ....... .....

Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train....... ....

Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are geniuses, don't mess with Engineers

Pakistan

1. The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon:

'I'm sorry to hear about the attack.It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything.'


2. Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:

Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that...

Bush: What buildings? What people??

Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?

Bush: It's eight in the morning.

Musharraf: Oops....Will call back in an hour!


3. Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, 'Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?'

The barman says 'Yep, that's them.' So the guy walks over and says, 'Hello, what are you guys doing?'

Bush says, 'We're planning world war 3'

The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'

And Vajpayee says, 'Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman.'

And the guy exclaimed, 'A bicycle repairman?!! !'

Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, 'See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!'

4. Pakistani on the moon:

Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?

A: Problem...

Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?

A: Problem..

Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?

A: Problem....

Q: What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?

A: ...... Problem Solved!!!

Neighbour

Tension

What is Tension?

A beautiful girl asks lift from you. On the way she faints and you take her to hospital.

Doctor says `Congrats. You are going to become a father.'

THAT'S IT. YOU GET TENSED.

You say – `But that baby is not mine.'
Girl says – `he is only the father of my baby.'


YOU HAVE MORE TENSION.

Police comes and DNA test is done. Report comes. Which says that you can never become a father.

EVEN MORE TENSION FOR YOU.

Anyhow you thank God and return home. Then you think, "Athome I have 2 kids. Whose are those?"

THIS IS REAL TENSION

Other One

A little girl complained to her father, "Daddy, I wish I had a little sister!"

Trying to be funny, her father joked, "But honey, you already have a sister!"

Confused, the toddler asked, "I do?"

"Sure," her dad said, pulling the kid's chain. "You don't see her because every time you come in the front door, she scoots out the back door!"

The confused toddler thought for a moment and then beamed, "You mean just like my other daddy!"

Some Jokes

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
**************************

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"

The father replied, "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, because I still have mine."
**************************

Scene: Husband and Wife in court getting a divorce.
The problem was who should get custody of the child????

Wife jumped up and said:
"Your Honor! I brought the child into this world with pain
and labor so it should be in my custody."

The judge turns to Husband and says
"What do you have to say in your defense?"

The husband sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose.

"Your Honor. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a
Pepsi comes out, whose Pepsi is it?
the machine's or mine?"
****

Yeh sunke...Wife replied :
"Judge sahib...bartan mera...dudh bhi mera...
aur usme dahi jamane ke liye 2 bunde daalne se dahi bana
tu fir wo dahi kiska..?
mera ya do bund dalane vale ka"

Husband replied :
"Typewriter mein kagaz maine dala, keys daba-daba kar
mehnat maine ki, fir chithi kiski? typewriter ki ya meri?"

Frustrated Judge (getting mad):
"Abay saale agar tu chithi haath se hi likh leta to yahan par custody ki naubat hi na aati"

Most expensive ring

This is the most expensive ring in India

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Zoo

JOKE OF THE DAY: Things are not always what they seem.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to
earn some money as a street performer.

Unfortunately, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zoo
keeper grabs him and drags him into his office.

The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular
attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly.  The keeper fears that
attendance at the zoo will fall off.  He offers the mime a job
to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one.  The
mime accepts.

So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters
the cage before crowd comes.  He discovers that it's a great
job.  He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and
he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime.

However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he gets bored
just swinging on tires.  He begins to notice that the people are
paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his.  Not
wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the
top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the
top to the lion's cage.  Of course, this makes the lion furious,
but the crowd loves it.

At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a
raise for being such a good attraction as a gorilla.

Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the
lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up.
Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion
he slips and falls.  The mime is terrified.  The lion gathers
itself and prepares to pounce.  The mime is so scared that he
begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close
behind.  Finally, the mime starts screaming, yelling, "Help,
Help me" but the lion is quick and pounces.

The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the
angry lion and the lion says,
"Shut up you idiot!  Do you want to get us both fired?"

Human life in 3000

HUMAN LIFE IN YEAR 3000