Friday, 29 April 2011

Sweet Confidance

A business executive was deep in debt and could see no way out.

Creditors were closing in on him. Suppliers were demanding payment. He sat on the park bench, head in hands, wondering if anything could save his company from bankruptcy.

Suddenly an old man appeared before him. "I can see that something is troubling you," he said. After listening to the executive's woes, the old man said, "I believe I can help you."

He asked the man his name, wrote out a check, and pushed it into his hand saying, "Take this money. Meet me here exactly one year from today, and you can pay me back at that time."

Then he turned and disappeared as quickly as he had come.

The business executive saw in his hand a check for $500,000, signed by John D. Rockefeller, then one of the richest men in the world!

"I can erase my money worries in an instant!" he realized. But instead, the executive decided to put the uncashed check in his safe. Just knowing it was there might give him the strength to work out a way to save his business, he thought.

With renewed optimism, he negotiated better deals and extended terms of payment. He closed several big sales. Within a few months, he was out of debt and making money once again.

Exactly one year later, he returned to the park with the uncashed check. At the agreed-upon time, the old man appeared. But just as the executive was about to hand back the check and share his success story, a nurse came running up and grabbed the old man.

"I'm so glad I caught him!" she cried. "I hope he hasn't been bothering you. He's always escaping from the rest home and telling people he's John D. Rockefeller."

And she led the old man away by the arm. The astonished executive just stood there, stunned.
All year long he'd been wheeling and dealing, buying and selling, convinced he had half a million dollars behind him.

Suddenly, he realized that it wasn't the money, real or imagined, that had turned his life around. It was his newfound self-confidence that gave him the power to achieve anything he went after.

Sharing Bed

Two drunks, Santa and Banta, enter a hotel late at night. They approach the clerk, and Santa says, "Could you pleash give ush a bed with two rooms?"


"You mean a room with two beds?" asks the clerk.

"Whatever, whatever you shay."

So they get a key and somehow manage to stumble upstairs to their room. After fumbling for ten minutes, they even manage to get their door open. As they stumble inside, the door closes behind them and they are in total darkness. They go forward slowly, and both fall on the bed closest to the door.

"Ahh," says Santa, "Now we can get some sleep at last."

As they try to rearrange themselves, they suddenly realize that they are not alone in their bed.

"Hey! There's somebody in my bed!" says Banta.

"There's somebody in my bed too!" says Santa.

"Let's get rid of them. We paid for this room and we're going to sleep in the beds!" says Banta.

They start a tremendous struggle. They heave and push until eventually Santa throws Banta on the floor.

"ALL RIGHT!!" Santa shouts, "I've thrown mine off the bed."

"You're lucky," says Banta, "I got thrown off and I'm too tired to fight any more."

"Well, never mind," says Santa, "Why don't you just come and share my bed. Let's get some sleep round here."

Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Lawyer & Doctor

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer

Indan Business Mentality

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House
in Washington D.C. One from Bangladesh , another from India and the
third, from China.

They go with a White House office to examine the fence.

The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some
measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I
figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my
team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then
says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my
team and $100 profit for me)".

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the
White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, outraged says, "You didn't even measure like the other
guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and
we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

Dead body from US

A family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ba) arrived from the US . It was sent by one of the daughters.

The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:
Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha,

I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT .

Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.

You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, cans of cheese,

10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you.

On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct.

Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan.

Just distribute the rest among yourselves.

The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys.

The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist.

Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her.

The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews.

Please distribute all these fairly.

PS : If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a
days